Το Καλύτερο κρεβάτι

Ήμουν χθές μέσα στο Docklands Light Railway (DLR) και πήγαινα προς μια pub που είχα ανακαλύψει να παίζει ροκιές. Εκεί που στεκόμουν μέσα, έτυχε να είναι ένα ζευγαράκι και να μιλάνε ελληνικά. Προφανώς δεν περίμεναν οτι θα τους καταλάβαινε κανείς και εγώ δεν έβρισκα λόγο να τους μιλήσω εκείνη την στιγμή. Μιας και δεν έχω ιδιαίτερα ελληνική μάπα, ούτε καν τους πέρασε απο το μυαλό οτι τους καταλαβαίνω.

Anyway, σε μια φάση, η κοπέλα πήγε στην απέναντι καρέκλα, οπότε εγώ είμουν στην μέση, ανάμεσα τους, χωρίς να τους δίνω ιδιαίτερη σημασία. Και τότε η κοπέλα αναφωνεί με χαρά.

“Πάντως είσαι το καλύτερο κρεβάτι που έχω κάνει…”

Τώρα πως δεν με κατάλαβαν με το χαμόγελο ως τα αυτιά που είχα αποκτήσει, ούτε εγώ δεν ξέρω 🙂

Παυλιδοτέστ

Έκανα το τεστ του Παυλίδη σήμερα και περιμένω τα αποτελέσματα. Περιλαμβάνει ενα τεστ στον υπολογιστή όπου ακολουθείς με τα μάτια μια κουκκίδα και μετά διαβάζεις ένα κείμενο αλλα πρέπει να κάθεσαι ακίνητος.

Η μαλακία είναι οτι επειδή η καρέκλα ήταν για παιδιά, δεν με βόλεβε και αποφάσισα να καθίσω στις μύτες των ποδιών μου. Δεν έκατσα όμως σωστα και στην μέση περίπου άρχισα να πονάω και προσπαθούσα να στηρίξω το βάρος μου απο το τραπέζι με το χέρι μου. Φοβάμαι οτι επειδή σκεφτόμουν τον πόνο μπορεί να άλλαξα το αποτέλεσμα.

Μετά καθίσαμε σε ένα τραπέζι και κάναμε ένα, απ’ότι κατάλαβα, IQ test. Αν και είχε μερικές ερωτήσεις γνώσης, μου φάνηκε αρκετά καλό. Τώρα δεν ξέρω κατα πόσο είναι κατάλληλο για ενήλικες αλλα τέλος πάντων. Απ’οτι φάνηκε τα πήγα αρκετά καλα.

Μίλησα με τον Τσολάκη σήμερα το βράδυ. Τον πήρα να τον ρωτήσω εαν ο πατέρας μου είχε δυσλεξία ή διάσπαση προσοχής και μου είπε οτι δεν είχε τέτοια προβλήματα αλλα αναρωτιέμαι κατα πόσο μπορούσε να το προσέξει. Όταν του ανέφερα τις σκέψεις μου για το [tag]ADD[/tag] μου είπε οτι απλά δεν έχω προσπαθήσει αρκετά.
Προσπάθησα να του εξηγήσω οτι δεν είναι οτι δεν προσπαθώ αλλα οτι δεν μπορώ και οτι συνέχεις αποσπούνται οι σκέψεις μου αλλα δεν φάνηκε να πείθεται. Τουλάχιστον ήξερε τον Παυλίδη και είπε οτι μπορεί να τον πάρει τηλέφωνο να μιλήσουν. Ελπίζω να μην το δει ο Παυλίδης σαν κάποιο είδος “μέσου”. (Αλλα τι μέσο, αφού έχει ήδη συμφωνήσει να με δει)

Διάβασα και αρκετά αυτές τις 2 μέρες για αυτό το θέμα, και να φανταστείς οτι ξεκινησε η όλη ιστορία απο την προσπάθεια μου να βρώ tips για το την μικρή διάρκεια προσοχής μου που δεν μπορώ να ξεπεράσω. Τελικά, αν είναι όπως δείχνουν τα πράγματα, είναι πιο σημαντικό και έξω απο τα χέρια μου, και νιώθω και λίγο ευθυνόφοβος που το λέω αυτο. Σαν να ψάχνω για λόγους ωστε να ρίξω την ευθύνη αλλού.
Απλά απο ένα σημείο και μετά…δεν ξέρω…τόσα πράγματα έχω ξεκινήσει και έχω παρατήσει στην μέση, απλά δεν είναι λογικό να μην μπορώ να συνεχίσω τίποτα ως το τέλος. Ακόμα και εγώ έχω σιχαθεί αυτήν την πτυχή του εαυτού μου…

Τώρα περιμένω την Παρασκευή. Είμαι και περίεργος να δω τι IQ έχω τελικά (ελπίζω όχι ραδικιού). Στο μυαλό μου έρχονται όνειρα απο ξεπέραση του προβλήματος αυτού και μετά μια super εκτίναξη καριέρρας…όνειρα θερινής νυκτώς δηλαδή.

Μου ανοίγετε ρε;

Μεσήλικη κυρία, έχει πάει στην μπροστινή πόρτα του λεωφορείου η οποία δεν έχει ανοίξει για να μπει κόσμος αλλα έχουν ανοίξει οι δύο πίσω.
Χτυπάει…τίποτα
Ξαναχτυπάει…τίποτα
Γυρνάει και φωνάζει στον οδηγό
'Μου ανοίγετε ρε;'

Σεβασμός (πλυθηντικός) και ασέβεια (ρε) στην ίδια πρόταση. Καλό…

Κρυοποδία (Συναυλία Skyclad Part 1)

Αυτό το Σ/Κ πήγα κατέβηκα Αθήνα για να δω τους Skyclad παρέα με τον Φίλιππο, ξεκινήσαμε μετά απο ένα ξενύχτι στα Λαδάδικα κατα τις 7:40 με το τραίνο οπου συνέβη το εξής τραγελαφικό.

Εγω που λές, είμουν πολύ κουρασμένος (24 ώρες ξάγρυπνος γαρ) οπότε με το που έκατσα στην καρέκλα μου (ναι δεν πήραμε κλίνες για οικονομία) ξεράθηκα στον ύπνο. Το πρόβλημα όμως ήταν ό,τι κρύωναν τα πόδια μου σε βαθμό που ξύπναγα. Κρύωναν γιατι η πόρτα ήταν ανοιχτή, οπότε την έκλεισα πριν κοιμηθώ.
Σε μια φάση λοιπόν ξυπνάω απο το κρύο και βλέπω την πόρτα ανοιχτή. Λέω, ‘Κάποιος θα βγήκε έξω και θα ξέχασε να την κλείσει’ οπότε την κλείνω (καθόμουν δίπλα) και ξανακοιμάμαι.
…Ωσπού ξαναξυπνάω γιατι πάλι πάγωνα και βλέπω την πόρτα ανοιχτή και πάλι. Την κλείνω.
Να μην τα πολυλογώ, το ίδιο πράγμα συνέβη κάπου πέντε φορές μέχρι να ξυπνήσω ολοκλήρωτικά κατά τις 3 το μεσημέρι. Ευτυχώς που νύσταζα πολύ δηλαδή.

Κατεβαίνουμε, τέλος πάντων, στον Σταθμό Λαρίσσης οπου μου λέει ο Φίλιππος:
‘Καλα σε μία φάση νόμιζα οτι θα πλακωνόσασταν’
‘Με ποιόν’
ρωτάω εγώ όλο απορία
Μα, με αυτόν που άνοιγε την πόρτα μόλις την έκλεινες’
‘Άνοιγε κάποιος επίτηδες την πόρτα μόλις την έκλεινα;!’
‘Ναι, εκείνος ο μουσάτος που καθόταν στην άλλη άκρη. Μετα απο λίγο αφότου σε έπαιρνε ο ύπνος, σηκωνόταν, σε κοίταζε λίγο περίεργα και την ξανάνοιγε’
‘Καλά ρε τρόμπα! Γιατι δεν μου είπες τίποτα για να τον βρίσω που με είχε ξεπαγιάσει’
‘Νόμιζα οτι τον είχες προσέξει…’

Απίστευτη καγκουρίαση δηλαδή. Όχι μόνο άνοιγε την πόρτα με αντιδραστικό τρόπο, αλλα το έκανε μόνο όταν καταλάβαινε οτι με πήρε ο ύπνος για να μην τον πάρω χαμπάρι.

Έ ρε και να τον έποιανα στα πράσα…

Ελληνικά. Why not?

Σκεφτόμουν: Γιατι κάθομαι και γράφω στα αγγλικά τόσο καιρό εδω μέσα; Ίσως γιατι απλά έτσι συνήθισα στα blogs που διάβάζω τόσο καιρό. Αλλα why συνεχίζω; Αφού στην πραγματικότητα τα Ελληνικά και μ’αρεσουν και πιο εύκολα εκφράζομαι. Ίσως απλά δεν ήθελα να απογοητεύσω το παγκόσμιο κοινό που είχα μέχρι τώρα (Και καλα…) αλλα προχθές που το έκανα απλά βόλεψε και λέω να συνεχίσω έτσι.

Λοιπόν, σημερα έγινε το υπερπωρωτικό πάρτυ στον χώρο εργασίας το οποίο όπως πάντα τα έσπασε όλα. Ξύδια άπειρα, χωροί πάνω στα τραπέζια, ρωμαικά σατουρνάλια όργια, ξέρετε τώρα…μετά ξύπνησα και κατέβηκα κατά τις 3 κάτω να χλαπακιάσω τα καναπεδάκια.

Κλασσικά το μόνο που γινόταν ήταν όλοι να κάθονται σε πηγαδάκια ανα τμήμα και να τρώνε. Μετά ήρθαν οι big chiefs είπαν 2-3 βαρετές κουβέντες και όλοι, σαν καλά παιδάκια κουνήσανε τις καρκάλες τους, είπανε “χρόνια πολλά” όταν έπρεπε, πήραν το κρασι-δώρο τους και την έκαναν με ελαφρά πηδηματάκια δίνοντας μια χειραψία στο Management Team λές και ήταν οι κουμπάροι με τους νεονυμφούς. Πάλι καλά που δεν έλεγαν και “Να ζήσετε” δηλαδή.

Τουλάχιστον είχα και τον Παντελή να λεμε καμία μαλακία να περνάει η ώρα μέχρι να τελειώσει το θέμα. Πάλι η κουφάλα χαλαρά την έβγαλε. Ζήτημα να δούλεψε 3 ώρες σήμερα.

Επίσης η Αγγελική μου έβγαλε και μια γαμάτη φωτο (πιο κάτω)

Σαν κανονικός BOFH είμαι και γουστάρω. Και ειδικά έτσι όπως μου την έδωσαν πάλι σήμερα με τις κωλο-ευχές που στέλνανε μέσω e-mail ήμουν έτοιμος να συνάψω το εξής μήνυμα

Subject: Ευχές
Το τμήμα μηχανογράφησης σας εύχεται καλές γιορτές και σας υπενθυμίζει:

Εαν ξαναστείλετε ευχές σε όλους τους χρήστες αντί να τις βάλετε στους κοινόχρηστους φακέλους…
BOFH
Θα είναι οι τελευταίες σας!

Καλό ε; Θα ρωτήσω τον IT Director να ειδούμε εαν θα μου το επιτρέψει έστω και για αστείο (Ναι καλά). Αλλα πάντως θα ήταν κάτι πρωτότυπο σε σχέση με τις κλασσικές εμμετικές βλακείες που στέλνουν όλοι (ή μάλλον όλες)

Επίσης σαν κλασσικός επιβήτωρ που είμαι δεν έχασα την ευκαιρία να βγω αγκαλιά με δύο θυλικά
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έτσι έεετσι…

Άιντε να δούμε πως θα περάσουμε τις γιορτές τώρα

Jesus Loves You

Man, these religious fanatics are so amusing at times.

Yesterday I was at the docks practicing my fire staff skills and I decided to move away from the Alexander the Great’s statue and to a more dark area. The lights around there glare at my eyes and I cannot catch the staff correctly.
Anyway, right next to the statue some people were gathering and were making sound checks, I decided to move further down so as to not be near the noise.

Then the fun started.

It seems those people were religious zealots and they believed in “Our Saviour Christ” with an astounding fervor.

They started with a silly little song about how much “Jesus loves us” and I could hear people clapping (not many though) and then they started shouting.
It reminded me of times of past when people would stand in the town square and advertise the religion of their choice to anyone who cared to stand and listen (think The Life of Brian)

‘Jesus Loves Youuu’
‘He gave his life for Youuu’
‘Don’t look awaaay’
‘Jesus is your saviooor’

etc. which went on for quite while.
I mean, not even one convincing argument? Just that Jesus loves us and that’s that? Shouldn’t they be trying to convince us heathens with their facts and depth of knowledge?

They were also giving away pamphlets and new testaments for free. I guess reading the new testament once more after school (as if they didn’t perform a big enough proselytism there) is supposed to be all the proof we need.

At one point I was passing next to them and a fat man wearing a purple shirt came and gave me the pamphlet and the book. I was too tired to argue with him so I just took them among blessings and shit and then threw them in the garbage.

Since that whole charade was supposed to be for the teenagers and young adults, they brought forward some converted young men to talk about their experiences.
They were talking about how they were saved and it seems they only thing they were saved from were generic “sins” and booze and drugs. Well I’m not into drugs or excess booze so I can safely say that I was “saved” as well. Although in my case I’m pretty certain “God” had nothing to do with it.

Anyway I was minding my own business and hoping that they would go away soon and then along comes an old lady along with yet another fat man (I wonder how those pious men seem to be fed so well) and wanted to give me the pamphlet and the book. Only I didn’t want them this time.
As soon as they heard that, they were on me like vultures.

‘Just take the pamphlet and all will be explained’
‘I’d rather not’
‘Look, here’s the new testament, it’s free’
‘I don’t want it’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t have anywhere to put it’
‘Aren’t you a Christian’
‘No’
‘What are you then’
‘I have no religion’
‘Then take the book, you need it’
‘No I don’t’
‘Look, there’s more important things than playing with that stick of yours’
‘Don’t tell him that, he’s a good kid’
‘But I like my stick’
‘Yes and it must be good excercise, but aren’t you afraid for your immortal soul?’
‘I don’t know if I do have one’
‘Sure you do’
‘How do you know?’
‘God tells us’
‘He didn’t tell it to me’
‘What are those numbers on your shirt’(reading them aloud in case they magically turn into 666)‘9-8-6’
‘Look, I don’t need the book or the pamphlet, I’ve made my choices’
‘But what about your spirit…?’

This conversation continued for a while until another lady (ugly as hell) came and took them because they were “late” (for what?)

Then after a while two little girls came, with pamphlets again.
After staring at me for a while they made their move

‘Hey mister, take a pamphlet’
‘No let me, it my turn’ the other girl would say
‘I don’t wanna’
‘You don’t? But it’s free’
‘Yes I know, but I don’t need it’

I don’t remember that conversation very well, but I do know that those girls didn’t try to convince me and I regretted not telling them to think about things a bit more.

Damn Proselytizers.

Anyway after two hours or so of yelling and preaching and whatnot, they finally left. Unfortunately at that point I was too tired as well, and had to go to the Navarinou street to mingle with the rest of the heathens 🙂
simple hit counter

Vacation at last! (Part 3)

Sunday came up and found me trying to sleep uncomfortably in the tent. The heat was just oppressing out there.
After drowsily stumbling out, I took my friends and we went to the beach where I saw one drop dead gorgeous girl entering our company. Unfortunately during the course of my stay it appeared that she wasn’t interested in me (or any of us for that matter) and I later found out that she was in a casual relationship with one of our friends, the one they called The French. Oh well, at least her almost-perfect body and deep tan made for excellent eye candy. The day proceeded uneventfully to its end. At this point we had lost sight of Mazetas who we later found out had been hanging out with some newly arrived female neighbours. The KNE guys at the Cantina where I had started hanging out (mostly because Lena was helping there for 2 hours every day) told me that they had a movie planned for the night; it was an older Greek movie, a surreal comedy of sorts.
I also surprised some of the KNE guys by volunteering for a job without being a “comrade” (Σύντροφος in Greek) as they like to call each other. The work was easy, just unload a couple of cases of beers and it showed that you don’t need to be a communist to be good guy. The fact that two of their own “comrades” didn’t lift a finger to help, even after being asked to do it, says a lot.
After I returned they asked me why I don’t join the communist party to which I replied that I do not see things going anywhere and prefer to show generic discontent. As expected a big discussion on the philosophical nature of politics followed 🙂

The movie turned out so and so, although I would like to see it again. I seems to me that it need more than one viewing to appreciate.

After that, I hanged around a bit with Lena and then, after the sun came down I bought a small bottle of Ouzo and a lemonade, hid them in my deep pockets (Oh how I love multipocket trousers) and sneaked them into the beach bar.
Said beach bar was almost empty for some reason and even after getting drunk enough to dance (alright, wobble) to Greek Light Country music (Dog Music – Σκυλάδικα, arf!) I couldn’t find anyone to accommodate me. In one case a dude almost assaulted me for having the nerve to dance near his girl. It was a silly conversation actually (and now in two language translation. In Greek and in free English. yay!)

Greek Guido – Hey man, what’up? (Τι έγινε φιλάρα;)
Me – All’s good my friend. You? (Όλα καλά φίλε μου. Εσύ;) – Thinking that he is just being friendly and patting him on the shoulder
GG – Don’t you “friend” me man, what do you think you’re doing? (Ασε τα “φίλε μου”. Τι νομίζεις οτι κάνεις εκει;) – Removing my hand and getting obviously hostile
Me – What? Was that your girlfriend? (Τι; Να σου πω, κοπέλα σου είναι αυτή;)
GG – Yeah, cut the bullshit (Ναι, και κόψε τις μαλακίες)
Me – Hey man relax, how was I supposed to know? (Έλα ρε φίλε, και πως έπρεπε να το ξέρω εγω;)
GG – You’d better watch your step, yo! ( Για πρόσεχε…)
Me – Alright man, chill. I didn’t know (Ελα ρε φίλε ηρέμησε, δεν μπορούσα να το ξέρω έτσι δεν είναι;)
GG – Yeah, fine (Καλα, αντε γειά)

Now this was extremely funny to me because I could easily turn this into a fight. I so wanted to make him look like a wuss in front of his girlfriend for acting like an ass, but I restrained myself.
In any case the night proceeded dully with the only notable parts being me trying to dance with some girls and them semi-ignoring me, and then I laid down on the beach until my friends dragged me to the tent.

Monday arrived and I wasn’t certain if I wanted to stay or not. It turned out that Mazetas had not left the last night as he was supposed to, mainly because he had been having such a good time with his new acquaintances and some other guys that labeled themselves as The guys with the branches (Τα Παιδιά με τα Κλαδιά). After the morning (ok, midday) swim, I had one conversation with Mazetas where I couldn’t decide if I was going to leave with him in the evening or not. In the end I decided to see how the day would turn out.
Well two things made me stay.

  1. A KNE dude offered to put me in the cantina to work for a few hours per day which also meant free food. Since I was seriously running out of money, this was a very good thing.
  2. Mazetas introduced me to the girls and the guys with the branches.

Now, originally I only met the girls after I hanged out with Mazetas a bit and we met them on the beach. There were 3 girls there and a foreign dude, named Asem (A very appropriate name, it almost sounds like “Ασε με” in greek which means “Let go”. He was from the middle east and he was a real “masterpiece”. At some point, because of the number of metalheads in the party, we started singing “A Question to Heaven” by Iced Earth with two doing the angels and two singing the vocals. It was awesome (although the punks didn’t really like it)!
In any case, I had become a bit light headed in the process and at some point Kathryn asked me to escort her back to the tent to get her cellphone. It was kind of strange to me because I didn’t know her at all. To make a long story short, we made out on the way back, almost by chance as well.
We took our time and even had a walk through the camp before heading for the tents and then sat down on the plastic chairs in front of their tent to make out some more.

Now for some reason I seem to draw these kind of events. This is the second time a soap opera-like situation took place in my life (or as I like to call them: Φάση Φώσκολος). As we sat there kissing, at one point Kathryn exclaimed her joy that Asem, who has been buggering her all the time since she got there and wouldn’t take no for an answer, finally left her alone (her words were more like “Good riddance to the bad bug”) immediately after which I heard a zip open up behind me and then a voice…in a heavy arabic accent: “You little whore” and then all hell broke loose…

It seems Asem has returned disappointed to his tent (which he had set up next to the girls’) after we left and as was still awake as we sat down on the plastic chairs. Once he got angry enough, he got out.
I was desperately trying to defuse the situation before it got out of hand, when a bulky dude appeared, I don’t know from where, and asked if there was any trouble (he was trying to protect the girl I think). Kathryn and Asem were too busy cursing each other and so he turned to me

Bulky Dude – Hey man, what’s happening here?
Me – Man, it’s unbelievable. The Dude wants the girl. The girl made out with me. The dude heard us and got pissed off.

The dude blinked at me, patted me on the shoulder while nodding and left. 😮

In any case, Asem wanted his pass back (As I’ve said before, you can only get in Posidi if you are a Student or a Guest. Guest carry a special pass. Kathryn was Asem’s guest) and after he got it, I managed to drag Kathryn out of there to calm her.
We walked around a bit, encountered the black metal girls returning, made out some more and then headed out for the beach again because I had forgotten my shoes 🙂

At the beach, the fun had died down a bit. The black metal girls had left because one had returned and found her wallet open and out of her bag, they had a kind of fallout and left. We sat around a bit with the guys and were talking bullshit mostly.
We even invented a new Olympic game loosely translated as “cockettes” (Κοκορέττες) which is played like beach tennis but instead of wooden rackets you have big plastic watering buckets (Ποτιστήρια) and instead of tennis balls you have live roosters…don’t ask.

In the end, after most were on the verge of collapse or had indeed collapsed, we returned to the guys with the branches area and sat around until morning. I was planning on sticking around until 8am but at around 7am I got bored and went to sleep.

Thursday wasn’t very exciting. It turned out that I couldn’t work in the cantina because I wasn’t a comrade but I did get some free food from the guy that proposed it. We actually went for a swim together and with some of his friends. I Saw kathryn at night, after we had gathered at the guys with the branches and then we left together and went to the beach to make out. I am sad to say that it didn’t go any further as it rightly should.

Wednesday was the day I was planning to leave, after the morning swim in the company of Kathryn, I packed my things and along with the Tall one and the French Dude, we got on the bus.
Kathryn didn’t come to say goodbye and so I had to give my number to Spyros to transfer it to her.
Funny thing is that the moment I stepped out of the camp I started to feel tired, feeling even more tired by the minute. By a stroke of luck I bumped into a female friend of mine who had a birthday and which was returning from her friend’s house. The fact that I couldn’t contact her to wish her happy birthday because my cellphone was dead and that I bumped into her in the most unlikely place says something about fate. In any case, she was supposed to have a birthday party at the Dizzy Rock Club and I missed it. The reason is that as soon as I reached my house I was almost ready to drop dead. I actually had fever! A bath didn’t help much and thus I had to miss the birthday 🙁

Phew! That’s it…finally.
Back to the routine now.

The Seat Hunter

So there is this weird old lady at the bus I usually take to work; she's thin, relatively frail with yellow-white hair and her head kind of…wobbles all the time. She always gets on the bus 2 stops after me and usually by then all the seats of the bus are taken. What makes her deserve a mention here is her seat-finding tactics.
This lady wants to seat and I mean she really wants to sit. She's not any kind of paraplegic either, kind of agile as well as you'll see later but for some inexplicable reason, as people's like her usually are, she craves for that perfect seat. That in itself wouldn't be so bad or strange as I'm usually used to seeing old people that could be better of sitting because of some specific problem or just generic frail bones likely to break at the first fall. Many just ask some young person if they can take their seat and usually they will get it. However, this lady, either because she doesn't feel she deserves a seat or because she's too shy will try very hard to get the first available seat.

Now when she is just standing around, she is constantly scanning her immediate are for signs of seat-emptying. If someone checks his bag, checks his environment to get his bearings, adjust his position or whatever else makes it seem like he's about to leave, this lade will move into attack position. That is as close as possible to the target, sometimes discreetly pushing people out of their position so that she can get a better vector.

In the case that someone does get up, she moves to intercept! She moves deftly and swiftly through the crowd and may even run the last few feet in order to get her behind in relative comfort. People that haven't noticed it are usually startled by her appearance on the scene and I'm talking from personal experience here. A while ago I was on the front side of the bus and last time I checked her, she was about the middle half. From where we were standing there is easily a 5 meter distance. Now the person in front of me suddenly get up and goes to exit, this means that I was now between her and the empty seat. Seeing no one elderly near I move to sit, and I had to pass around a holding pole to do that because said pole is near another seat and you have to maneuver to move between them.
Before I could even turn around to get into my usual “this seat is now taken, move along” position, I see a blur and this lady is now happily sitting, to my dismay, on my former butt-target. She literally jumped over the seat next to the pole and landed on the seat on her ass and with a smug look on her face.
I was kind of shocked and amused to see her both move so fast and for such a reason, but I'm not usually one to take something like that gracefully, mainly because I like to confront people about their bullshit, so I announce

“Hey lady, take it easy”

“Oh I'm sorry” She said while making to get up “Did you want this seat” all feigned innocence.

“Not really, just don't hurt yourself”

Now I was truly amused. She was acting all surprised and innocent that she took my seat when she was pretty aware of what she was doing all the time. I didn't really care about it, since I found another seat a few minutes later, but it's pretty funny to see people get worked up for a friggin' bus seat.
After that incident I decided that she was worth paying attention to, both for the humorous material that she is and because she is bound to get into trouble eventually but also because I don't want to turn around to seat only to find myself sitting onto a suddenly materialized woman.

In any case, her antics do not end with just a simple seat taking. Oh no, that's just too easy. Not only must she have the first seat to free up, but she is constantly looking for a better ass holder. I have seen her jump from one seat to another, even when those seats are in opposite sides of the bus. She gets up in a half crouch, golum-like, zips through the intervening space and get down on her new target. People are always taken by surprise by that one.

So that's the case of the Seat Hunter, as I've dubbed her. Today is actually the day I took the decision that she is worth watching.