The kind of anarchist who hates me on reddit

The “Get Shit Done” committee really doesn’t like being reminded that it’s acting at the mandate of a community.

This has been a common trait of almost all the ones who have expressed their intense dislike towards me ((for not being “anarchist enough”. I was also hated by many on the other side of the coin for supposedly facilitating authoritarians)) since the Great /r/Anarchism ShitStorm of 2010, while I was acting as a mod, and even now where I’m not.

Case in Point.

Even more hilarious is that about half a dozen of those most vocal about me being too “liberal”, ended up transforming into authoritarian Marxists of various strains.

I find it very disconcerning that many self-professed anarchists will support some of the most authoritarian decision-making styles, if it will “get things done”, without ever thinking of the costs. As if a movement which based itself on hierarchical and authoritarian “get things done” mentality would somehow transform into a democratic and mutual aid society after those things had been done.

The "Anarchism Can't Work lolol" Bingo

Ever get frustrated at the inane arguments against anarchism? Then this BINGO chart should come in handy.

There’s a few humorous BINGO sheets available on the internet, from the hilarious Libertarian Troll Bingo, to the sarcastic Sexism in Games BINGO. The latter one, I recently modified slightly and then run through the comments of reddit, which were discussing sexism in games, with great success. I had quite a lot of fun doing it and it also occurred to me that there is another topic where there are so many cliché criticisms that might benefit from a similar treatment.

To this end, I’ve created the “Anarchism Can’t Work lolol” Bingo, which is a humorous view into some of the most common, and usually outright absurd criticisms of anarchism that are frequently trotted out when such discussions occur. You can find it below in a simple html form, or on the side, in an image format (click on the thumbnail for larger version).

So without further ado:

The “Anarchism Can’t Work lolol” BINGO

Whitest kids you know / Something Positive / etc Go live in Somalia if you like Anarchy so much. Anarchist Catalonia and Ukraine were defeated in war, so this proves Anarchism can’t work. Democratic France being defeated in WW2 doesn’t count. Grow up and get a job! What have the Anarchists ever achieved? The “Haymarket affair”? Never heard of it.
Who would maintain the roads and gather the garbage? Why don’t you create your own political party and run for office? People are too stupid and evil to voluntary work together. They need benevolent leaders to do it for them. What do you mean “who would choose the leaders”? Who would control the huge corporations if the state didn’t exist? Today they’re perfectly regulated and kept in check by our incorruptible leaders. You’re a Utopian. Anarchy will never work the way you idealize, unlike Capitalism and the State which work perfectly now.
The corrupt politicians in power will never allow any movement that starts to challenge the state. Ron Paul 2012! You’re not a true anarchist unless you support the rights to private property, capitalism and wage slavery. Human Nature (FREE SPACE) Your ethical arguments on how humans should act in an anarchist society makes you as bad as Stalin and Pol Pot. If you oppose Capitalism so much, then why are you still using a computer and the internet, huh? And why do you buy groceries?
Let’s say tomorrow we magically had an Anarchist society… An anarchist society doesn’t exist right now, therefore it could never work. Why no, I do not know how old Capitalism is. The state is required because humans don’t exercise voluntary organization. Much like shoes are required because our feet lack the callouses one would develop by not wearing shoes. Whenever your revolutions were attempted, they ended up in brutal dictatorships after a bloody civil war. Unlike all democratic revolutions which were peaceful and never failed. I demand to know the exact details of an anarchist society of the future. People could easily predict 20th century Capitalism during the 19th.
Humans need hierarchy. All human societies throughout history were hierarchical. Why don’t anarchist start their own communes right now? Just buy the land from the state or capitalists and prove it works. Of course nobody will try to mess with it. Without a state and laws to tell me how to behave, I’d go on a killing spree immediately. Libertarian Socialism is an oxymoron. I agree with you, but nothing can ever change, so why bother…

I don’t believe I need to point out that this Bingo chart is dripping with sarcasm 🙂

One thing you might like to note is that I’ve tried to align the chart in such a way so that the middle horizontal axis contains common arguments coming from right-libertarians and “Anarcho”-Capitalists, while the middle vertical axis contains arguments that approach a Marxist-Leninist/State Socialist criticism. This should allow an easy Bingo in case you’re arguing wish such ideologues. 🙂

Finally, in case you want to spread it around, or rework it, below I’m including two text files, one containing the bingo options in simple text format, while the other one containing the bingo chart in a way that you can paste into reddit comments.

Let me know if there is a more fitting answer that I’ve missed. A few of them are possibly not that common or absurd, so if you can think of a better replacement, let me know and I’ll update it.

Have fun!

The Free Market is your God

Your God has revealed itself and its name is Free Market. Consumerism is its Holy Religion and consumption your daily prayer.

Illustrates the intersection of supply and dem...
Image via Wikipedia

Your God has revealed itself and its name is Free Market. Consumerism is its Holy Religion and consumption your daily prayer.

Do not seek to understand your god, only to serve it and its prophets. It works in mysterious ways but you, its chosen people, will always live and prosper, as long as you respect and fear it.

Listen to the prophets of your God, for they know better than you. They have received its holy blessing through the mentoring of prophets that came before them, all the way back to the first ones who heard its call.  Be assured when they all sing the same tunes, for that is the one true song.

Do not listen to the false prophets, for they have spurned your God and will lead you astray. There is no higher God than the Free Market and no matter what they promise you, it is false. Your God will not allow it.

Do not anger your God by challenging its Holy Religion. There is no higher honour for your God than spending your money on More Stuff®. Hear its higher calling and follow it. When you can’t keep up anymore, your God is most wise, most benevolent and has foreseen it. It has given you…Credit!

Your God will occasionally become enraged and turn against you. Know that this is because you were unfaithful to your God and you let false prophets to lead you astray. Do not seek to understand its anger but only to appease it. Its prophets will show you how.

When your God demands sacrifice, do not falter, do not bulk. Lay the bodies of the worthless to its altar of prosperity so that their blood may oil the gears of wealth. Your God sees all, knows all and is most benevolent. When enough souls have perished, its blessings will return once more.

Do not pity the poor, for this is just punishment from your God. They deserve their place for they have not been chosen by birth. However your God is most wise, most merciful and its invisible hand will ocassionaly raise new disciples from even the lowest of the low. The faithful enough can even become its new prophets and spread it’s blessed song.

Do not pity the worker for their life has become better through its touch. It has created new desires for him that only it can fulfill and he is now truly happy. Some workers will end up as offerings when It becomes enraged but the rest will live to enjoy its new blessings.

When the going gets rough, admit that you did not believe enough in your God. You were unfaithful and doubting. Use your blessed Credit to follow the Holy Religion and do your prayers. If that is denied of you, understand that you were not faithful enough and spend the rest of your life atoning for your sins.

Do not seek to control your God, for you will only end up enraging him sooner. Trust in its Wisdom and let it decide what is good for you.

For it is the Free Market. Most Benevolent. Most Merciful. Most Wise. And it is your God.

And this is basically what I understand when discussing with Libertarians

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